On one’s wedding day, there is a celebration. A celebration of two becoming one, families united to bless the couple, food and drink spill forth with toasts, appreciation and adoration. When the party is over, the couple lavishes themselves with a honeymoon and months to years in lustful, loving romance. As time wanes on, the job, family, married life, bills, expenses and challenges can become burdensome. That lustful, loving romance, with bedroom laughter and pleasure is almost non-existence, those sweet glances seem ages ago and those date nights once filled with flowers, wine and tantalizing whispers are but an afterthought. What has happened? Where did the joy, the love and the desire for one another go? Where is your marriage heading?
“Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David, and when they told Saul about it, he was pleased. ‘I will give her to him,’ he thought, ‘so that she may be a snare to him and so that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.’”
David’s opportunity to marry Michal came with a heavy price, one hundred Philistine’s foreskins to revenge Saul’s enemies. David was thrilled to become the king’s son-in-law, accepted the challenge and killed not one, but two hundred Philistines (1 Samuel 18:20-30).
Michal was enraptured with David. He was no ordinary man, this son of Jesse. He was a valiant warrior, fought to marry her and carried in her heart the only man who defeated a giant. Yes, Michal was captivated by his bravery, his warrior status, the love he had for her brother Jonathon and his potential as king. Her father, Saul, was not so beguiled.
Saul despised David attempting at every opportunity to kill the young soldier. Michal, learning of another scheme to kill her handsome combatant, she warned him, “If you don’t run for you life tonight, tomorrow you’ll be killed.” So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped. Quick thinking and witted, Michal took an idol, laid it on the bed, covered it with a garment and put some goats’ hair at the head. When Saul’s men burst through to capture David, there they found only the idol (1 Samuel 19:1-16).
Days became months, months into years all the while Michal maybe waited for her hearts love. Alas, her father married her to a man named Paltiel. Paltiel was deeply in love with Michal or was deeply in love with her status for when David demanded her back, “Her husband went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim (2 Samuel 3:16).
Reunited with her long-lost love, Michal, maybe having been used as pawn, was not so enchanted by her once young, gallant soldier. For when David brings the Lord’s Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem, Michal looks on in embarrassment and distain concerned more for how David looks, than to God’s achievement. Michal is recorded in 2 Samuel 6:23 as having no children, no lineage to the day of her death. How quickly and how sorrowfully marriages can take a swift turn from joyous to treacherous by our own hands or by the hands of the ones who led us down the isle of matrimony.
How long does it take to notice the marriage is not what it used to be? Today’s youth, if not satisfied, will take quick action to end a marriage regardless of the consequences or people involved. My question is, how do we follow through with marriage, a love burning in our hearts, to a bitter divorce waving the dagger menacingly towards one another? Where and when did the love grow cold?
Woman, it takes a will to protect your marriage. All marriages ride the roller coaster of epiphany highs to theatrical lows, while you may hang on for dear life. During these ups and downs, it is what we as a couple do with these character enhancing situations as to whether or not our marriage will last; built on the rock or built on the sand. My own marriage has experienced these euphoric highs of births to monetary gain then spiraling downwards to bankruptcies and the lustful advances of a “Gomer”. These are the moments we should draw close to one another, not pull away.
I think part of the problem with the ever declining desire to stay committed is our own contentment in life. Paul exhorted the Philippians to learn contentment in whatever the situation experienced. Of course as Christians, our contentment should come through Christ our King, not the highs and lows of earthly pleasures, challenges and proposals. I think what Michal wanted to say in her heart was, “Why did you leave me so long?” “Was I not worth waiting for or coming back for?” “Why did you allow my father to give me to another man?” “Did you not love me?” These are questions which may arise from a broken heart in your own marriage, “Why would you do that?” “Why did you choose these things over me?” “I am sorry; this is not the life I thought I would have.”
Michal never experienced the joy of contentment; the joy of a loving marriage, for her father, Saul, would never allow such a thing. I pray you have the encouragement of your own family towards your spouse. The sand, or we could say the straw that may break the camel’s back, which can wither away during rough weathering seasons could be from the very hands that gave you away in holy matrimony. Woman, I encourage you to never demean, disrespect or gossip about your husband. This will end a marriage very quickly for the longer you talk, the more you may agree with yourself or the person slandering the man of your house.
We have to pray about our marriages. My desire is to always have the love in my heart for Tommy. Of course, they love is different today than it was fifteen years ago. My lustful, loving romance love can not compare to the love of being parents together, can not compare to the love that lifted each other out of a muddy pit after financial loss and can not compare to the encouraging love my husband gives as I write our testimony of God’s saving grace. The love is there, it has just changed and enhanced over the years.Please, do not give up so easy on the one you’ve spent years with; press on towards the goal God has placed in your heart. Lay your husband at the cross; be his helper, his armor bearer, the one God has placed in your life to love and respect. If you feel the Lord leading your marriage for counseling, pray who to see and let the Lord move you. Ask God to give you fresh eyes to see your husband in a new light. Ask the Lord for eyes to see him as Christ sees him. Ask the Lord for the romance you had when you first enjoyed one another, to show you what you can do to enhance the marriage so it never grows cold. Work on what you can do and God will do the rest. May the Lord bless your marriage, may it be fulfilling, joyful, loving and grow each passing year
Let us pray out loud and CONFESS the Word of the Living God
a prayer to be your husband’s armor bearer
I come to you as your daughter; bend your ear and listen to my prayer. May it glorify Jesus Christ, enhance your Kingdom and strengthen my marriage. I know you have a plan for our marriage. I know it is to prosper and not fail; to grow and not wither, to strengthen and not weaken. I pray to be this godly Christian wife you’ve called me to be. I have been given the gift of being a helper to my husband (Genesis 2:18). I thank you for this precious calling on my life; help me to cherish our marriage with great respect, never to take it for granted and strengthen our bond year after year.
Father, I want to be a godly woman who desires the things of you (2 Timothy 2:22). I pray you keep my eyes on things above and not below, Christ seated at the right hand of the Father (Colossians 3:2). I pray to put off my old self and ways, asking you to help mold and shape me to fit this season of my life, renewing my mind daily (Romans 12:1-2). Whether I was taught the ways of the Lord or have just come to the faith as a new believer, I pray I learn to be a respectful, helpful, encouraging, loving wife, taking me into a deeper revelation of my purpose (Ephesians 5:33). I understand the spiritual warfare against Christian marriages, may I be a wife who continually prepares her husband for battle with the armor of the Lord (Ephesians 6:12).
Lord, fill my life with godly women, elders to glean from, groups to pray with and other women who will encourage and lift us up in prayer (Philippians 3:16-17). When the tests and trials of marriage come, I pray to lay them at the foot of your cross, pleading your precious blood of our marriage. May you guard my mouth lest I sin against you (Psalm 19:14); and when the time comes to bring a sensitive issue to light with _________________ (husband) may I pray about it at least three days (Esther 4:16), seek the advise and counsel of seasoned elders and have your peace of knowing I am being respectful, loving, gentle and filled with the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
I pray to read your Word daily (Psalm 1:1-3). May I be a woman with a deep understand of the things of God, the plan for my life, adaptable to all situation with my husband, helping him where needed and encouraging him during his walk (Ephesians 3:12-14). If I have yoked myself to a non believer or God, you have changed my life first before _______________ (husband) then I pray for the strength to stay committed, loving him and trusting you to change him in your perfect will and timing (1 Corinthians 7:13-14). I pray my behavior, in which is being molded into your image, glorify you, find favor in your eyes, and soften my husband’s heart to see your goodness (1 Peter 3). I pray that no matter how long, the prayer life I commit to will never waiver, increase with my perseverance, determination to run this race, to not quit on ________________(husband) (2 Peter 1:5-8) and to know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to your purpose (Romans 8:28).
I pray our marriage never grow boring, dull or conform to the ways of this world (Hebrews 13:4-5). I pray ___________ (husband) and I are sensitive to each other’s needs, never withholding ourselves from one another sexually, never manipulated each other into undesirable tasks, but challenging ourselves to come up higher, giving God an open door to all areas of our marriage (1 Corinthians 7:5). I pray to never gossip, slander, and demean my husband; not to covet or desire another woman’s husband. May I be a woman who can be self controlled in her mind and body, turning off the lure of pornography, lustfulness, or longing for another man instead of my (husband) ______________(1 Corinthians 6:12-20). I know you have brought Christian’s to a high standard when Christ said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at another woman (man) lustfully has already committed adultery with her (him) in his heart.”(Matthew 5:28). I pray to stay committed to the Lord in my inner most being, striving to never break your commandments of adulterous thoughts, committed to this man and the marriage you have planned for me (Exodus 20:14).
Father I thank you and give you all praise. Thank you I am redeemed under the Blood of the Lamb and we can have a marriage that is godly, pure and holy. In the name of Jesus of Nazareth I pray, amen.